A few days after our first visit with an infertility specialist, I had a dream that I was a block of wood and I was being carved by an old man into a figurine with a big, pregnant belly. I wrote about it here. I thought of that dream many times during my pregnancy as I watched my body grow around a growing person and now that she is here, I realize I will spend the rest of my life growing so she can grow, too. I will become so she can become.
I am not a perfect wife and mother. My husband often threatens me with a swear jar, I am scattered and messy and some days, I submerge myself under water in the tub just to find a few moments of peace. I will never be as comfortable praising God from a pew as I am worshiping behind the wheel of my car on a country road, singing Miranda Lambert’s “Heart Like Mine.” Though I am rough around the edges and broken in many places, I believe in God because I feel like I’ve seen evidence of His love in my life too many times to not believe. I don’t pretend that everyone believes like I do but I do feel it’s important to teach our daughter that the God we serve is a God of love; unconditional love for all people. Just like I pull Ada up in my lap even though her nose is running because she’s thrown a tantrum in the floor and she fights me to get her way, I know at the end of the day He does the same with me. He accepts that I’m stubborn and that I make the same mistake fifteen times before I learn; that I foolishly turn to Diet Coke to be revitalized more often than I turn to Him. And I have learned that just like motherhood is nothing like those Rice Krispie commercials where the mom is making treats with her kids and the kitchen is perfect and the mixture is in the pan instead of sticking to the spoon and their fingers and the dog, a relationship with God doesn’t have anything to do with tucked-in shirts and pressed Khakis. It’s more bruised knees than white dresses and my mission as Ada’s momma is to teach her that being honest about who she is, broken places and all, is okay because she wasn’t born finished. Every day she is alive, she is becoming who God created her to be. And if she understands that she isn’t finished, she’ll understand that other people aren’t finished either. She will grow to be patient, kind, humble and accepting.
To celebrate Ada’s first birthday, we spent the day committing small acts of kindness both as an expression of gratitude for the many blessings we’ve received this year and to be “watering cans.” It may be silly, even cheesy, but that is something I pray for often, that God will make me a watering can so I can take the blessings He gives me and pour them out so something beautiful will grow. If we can raise our daughter to be secure enough in who she is to give what she has today instead of waiting until she has more time, money or whatever it is she believes she is lacking, then we will have succeeded. For that reason, we spent the day giving small gifts with lots of heart and looking back on all of the places we traveled and people we met, I can’t think of a better way to have celebrated Ada’s first year of life. Our baby is HERE, healthy, growing and has so much of her momma’s spunk 😉
I believe God is good and I want to tell everyone I meet that if this momma with the messy house and paint in her hair can be used to bring something so beautiful as Ada into the world despite a diagnosis of infertility, then anyone can be used as His watering can.
This is how we celebrated Ada’s first birthday:
We started the day by dropping off craft supplies at Hope Hill Children’s Home. Instead of gifts, we had asked friends and family to bring paint, brushes, scrapbooking supplies and other craft items to Ada’s birthday party for the girls at Hope Hill and they did not hold back. The girls are going to have so much fun with this stuff!
After our trip to Hope Hill, we surprised Ada’s great-grandmother, Dottie, with a picnic and framed photo of the two of them. Dottie was tickled pink to see Ada on her big day.
We printed photos of our favorite moments throughout the year and wrote messages on the back to deliver throughout the day. We gave this photo of Ada playing in her baby pool and a yellow rose bush to the doctor who delivered her.
And we packed a special snack basket for the labor and delivery nurses who took care of us at the hospital…
When we dropped off the basket of goodies for the nurses, we also took a new package of diapers to be given to a family who delivered a baby today because we were grateful whenever someone came to our house with free diapers!
And without trying, we ended up at the hospital at the exact time Ada was born but this time when we left, our girl walked out holding her daddy’s hand instead of being bundled up in her momma’s lap.
Travis says his favorite moment was when we took a batch of cupcakes to the nurses and doctors at Bluegrass Fertility Center. Their support and guidance made it possible for us to have this day with our girl so they certainly deserved cake! We attached a photo of Ada with a note that explained we had named her after feeling her move for the first time. I didn’t know where I ended and she began, which made us realize that Ada (the beginning and ending of Amanda) was the perfect name for her.
And we left flowers with notes on random cars in the parking lot wishing people a good day…
One of our favorite moments was handing out gift cards for free pizzas to families. Because so many people had delivered us a meal those first weeks of Ada’s life, we really wanted to return the favor so we stopped at Goodwill and found a mother with her three children shopping. When we gave her the card she exclaimed, “Today is my son’s 9th birthday!” We went next door to the Dollar Tree and chose another family and were amazed when she smiled and said, “That is so funny! Today is my birthday!”
After a wonderful dinner at Red Lobster (we had been saving a gift card for months,) we surprised a family with free desserts which was a lot of fun!
Then we went to a local Walmart and passed out more gift cards for free pizzas…
and we surprised a busy mother shopping for groceries with a $50 gift certificate to a local spa!
We made so many precious memories together today…
