40 weeks. It takes 40 weeks, give or take, to create a person. It only makes sense that it would take 40 weeks to re-create one too.
Since giving birth to my daughter two months ago, I’ve learned so much. Right now she depends on me to change her diapers, feed her and comfort her when she’s scared. But eventually, she’ll look to me to guide her into becoming a woman. That level of responsibility has made me really consider what kind of woman I am. I find myself thinking things like how can I expect Ada to make her bed when I never make my own? Eat her veggies and she’ll get dessert…who’s going to teach her that?! Or how do I teach her to feel good about herself when I walk around complaining that nothing fits? When you realize someone is watching you and will do as you do, it makes you really considerate of what you are doing. I guess that is why I’ve started this “un-pregnancy” series. It’s not just about losing the baby weight. It’s about growing into my own life.
There are so many ways I’d like to evolve.
I want to be a better writer.
I want to be more organized.
I want to know when its best to put Ada down and work and when I need to forget the
dishes/deadlines/details and hold her.
I want to be a better wife, friend, sister, daughter, co-worker,
person who smiles at you at the grocery store, etc.
I want to mean it when I pray God, use me.
I want to be healthy, not just thinner.
I want my daughter to look back and say, “Mom loved like crazy.”
I want to feel like making the sacrifice to work instead of being home was made worth it because she got the insurance she needed, the socialization from being in daycare and most of all, an example of a mother who followed her dream.
I want to be real, no matter how shabby I get in the process.
What do you want? Who do you want to be? As a travel writer, I’ve learned that the story isn’t about the destination but the journey to get there.
Last week, I started off strong. I ran on the elliptical, counted my points, followed a schedule, wrote in between feedings and remembered to give Ada belly time. By the end of the week, I felt like I was treading water again. And stupid me, it was because someone posted a “fat” picture of me on Facebook and in the same day, my husband told me our plans to replace my car had to be shelved again until the end of summer. Seriously. I’m ashamed to admit that something so trivial could throw me off my game. But it did. It opened a flood gate of all sorts of second-guessing, cut-me-down thoughts, from the size of my jeans to the heartache I’m feeling over putting the baby in daycare. Through sobs, I told my husband that everyone warns you about postpartum depression but no one says a word about end of maternity leave depression. So what did he do? He watched the baby while I got my hair done and let me go to Victoria Secret for a 5 for $25 (my favorite splurge) shopping spree. It’s simple but it did make me feel better.
So, looking back on my first week of my un-pregnancy, I had some rough spots but some celebrations too. Yesterday, while cleaning out the garage (a huge success, I may add) I had to pull my pants up because they kept falling down. Woo-hoo! I came up with a pretty clever trash-to-treasure project that is going to be featured in the June/July issue of Kentucky Monthly and I got the ball rolling on turning my crafting into a small business. Not too bad. Not too bad at all.
If you’re following along, how did last week go for you? If you’re new and hoping to follow along, tell us what changes you want to make in the next 40 weeks!
Today’s Inspiration:
Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Psalm 34:10
Weekly Goal:
Track my progress using the exercise log from Shape Magazine.
Treat of the Week:
Great Value 100 Calorie Ice Cream Sandwiches
What I’m Thankful For This Week:
That my mom took care of Ada yesterday while we cleaned the garage. We needed that!